Im Sorry
by darkly0divine
Summary: Jacobs lost it. His reason to stay his reason for life but can one confession keep him from his self-loathing?
1. Why me?

I opened the letter with my name in perfect, concise and practiced cursive on the front. My heartbeat starts to escalate; my hands start to perspire in anxiousness as the first two words draw my eye, the words 'I'm sorry'. The words frequently spoken from her lips, words that hadn't made much of a difference but now, had taken my heart from me; My way of life, my happiness, and breath taken from such trivial words but still detrimental to me in every way.

"Jacob?" Billy wheeled into the living room to see me storm from the house "Jacob! Are you-"I no longer hear him as I phase and charge into the woods. Whimpering and snarling as I weaved, ducked and dodged my way through the trees and branches.

'How could she do this to me? I thought we were….' I trailed off 'nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing.' Breaking through the tree line I made it to the bluff I frequently vacated for thinking 'what is wrong with me?' I sit and stare at my hands in disgust 'was I, am I not good enough to be cared for like that?' I balled up my hands and punched the dewed grass in frustration. I flinched a quickly dressed into my shorts when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned to the newcomer.

"How did you find me?" I growled out attempting to hide my weakened state

"Followed your scent" he shrugged and sat next to me. I looked at him skepticly.

"what do you want?"

"to see if youre alright"

"youre full of shit" I glared at him "what the real reason paul" he winced

"guess I deserve that" paul slowly inclined his head to meet my eyes

"so, what is it? Just wanted to see me cry so I can poke fun?" I looked away "go ahead, doesn't matter anymore" I mumbled

Paul said and gently pulled my head back to face him "I do care about you you know?" I scoff "I do, more, more than I should" my eyes widen a little

"what the hell are you talking about?"

"im saying," he took a deep breath and let Jacob go "I like you, I guess"

My jaw opened in mild surprise "paul, I…"

(::AN:: should I finish this? Or do a poem for this? Review or drop me a message for flames or comments :o oh and don't forget to read my other poems and give feedback :D id apreicate it and yes….im a review/feedback whore haha so do not deny my my crack hahaha)

Thanks for reading so far :D


	2. A new start or my end?

**I OWN NOTHING sadly Dx**

"What," I looked away from his face "what are you saying?" I heard and felt him shift beside me, facing my side. He gently held my chin and turned my face to his.

"I like you, Jake" he let out a labored sigh "maybe even-" I interrupted him and a mistake I knew he was going to make.

"Don't"

"But it's true, I may-"

"I said don't"

"Jake, I lo-"

"Goddammit Paul!" I pushed him away and stood glaring at him "don't say it, you can't say it, because one you don't know much about me and if someone tells me that they, they don't mean it" I sighed "at least, not the way I want some people to mean it." I turned away holding back a tear " no one likes me that way I want, the way I deserve to be. That word that you wanna just throw out so badly hardly means anything to me now. It's been used so much over the past two years and it's lost the meaning. It's just a word" I felt warm, muscular arms wrap around my waist but I was too emotionally and physically tired to move the arm and hit him.

"So because of one person, one girl, you feel like you're unlovable?" Paul whispered into my ear while he laid his chin on my shoulder "that's bullshit, I don't see or understand why she had such a big hold on you. Out of all of us you knew more than anyone how she felt about Cullen so why?" I stayed silent unable to come up with a decent excuse "but I'm glad she did sent you that invitation" I growled at him and tried to pry his caramel colored arms off of me, to no avail.

"And why is that?"

"It'll give you a chance to move on from her and onto better things and people" I snorted

"And who's that? You?" he snuggled deeper into my neck inhaling my scent

"Of course" I sighed and finally got him to let go of me. I turned to his smirking face.

"Look, Paul I can't- being gay isn't-" I stuttered before taking a calming breath "I can't just flip a switch and become gay Paul, it doesn't work like that" he nodded the smirk slowly turning into a frown

"I know that, but I'm going to try anyway, like I said I lo-"he caught himself "I like you"

"Paul, just-"I sighed "maybe it would actually work out, if you went after some other guy or girl or whatever. Just not me. I'm not, I don't know if I could be that someone for you is all."

"Jake, I don't want anyone else" I looked at the grassy ground of the cliff "I want you, and I'm aware that you may not like me back but," I pulled my chin up to look at him "don't doubt that you can't be my somebody because everything about you that I do know I like and admire so damn much." I looked away again "what are you afraid of?"

"Nothing! I'm not afraid of anything!" silence followed my outburst. The sound of water hitting the rocks, below the cliff we were standing on, was suddenly louder than it was when we first arrived. The sound was disturbed when Paul cleared his throat.

"Ok Jake, let's just go back to your house, your dad must be wheeling a hole in the ground by now" by how he said it I knew he knew I was full of shit. I slowly nodded and fell into step with him toward my house. What was I afraid of? As we walked through the woods Paul began to tell me things I didn't know about him. Like his favorite color was brown and he hates certain foods. Somewhere in the conversation I had zoned out into my own little world. Even though we're in the same pack we never really talked much, maybe the occasional 'hello' or 'how are you'. At the cliffs was the most we've ever said to one another which brought on the question 'how can he like me if he doesn't even really know me?' he says all the things he does know he likes but what exactly? Or was he just trying to get under my skin like he does the rest of the pack? But the last one didn't really make much sense when he's not such an ass to me as he is to everyone else.

"Are you even listening?" I shook my head and smiled softly

"Sorry, just was deep in thought" he ran ahead of me and began to walk backwards so he could face me.

"What were you thinking of? He winced when he stepped on a sharp twig on the dirt path. "Just some stuff" he nodded his head. His eyes darting from the corner of his eye to me then another direction.

"'Bella stuff'?" I bit my lip 'should I tell him the truth?'

"No, different stuff" Paul's eyes quickly flicked to mine, a flash of hope slightly brightened his brown eyes.

"Then what stuff?"

"nun-ya" he laughed and grinned at me making me grin back involuntarily.

"fine, fine I'll give you your thinking room" he tripped over a fallen log and pulled me down with him when I reached out to help him. After our fall I felt the two of us chest to chest, Paul's arms again wrapped around me and my face in the crook of his neck. I inhaled and smelled Paul's musky scent and groaned quietly at the delicious smell. I felt Paul's arms tighten around my waist. We just laid there, neither of us moving an inch except for breathing. I felt bad that I was possibly leading him on, thinking that 'he' and 'me' could become a 'we' like Bella did to me. But I couldn't bring myself to move away from the comfort he was giving, it showed me he does care about me. It's a lot to interpret from a simple hug but it's how he's holding me now and how he isn't an ass to me like he is to the pack and random others. But that's never stopped me from thinking at any moment he could change and become one toward me, that's why I barley spoke to him and avoided him mostly. I couldn't deal with the stress that is the pack Bella and an asshole Paul.

"Jake, are you okay?" o nodded not moving my face from his neck "will you try?" I brought my face from his neck to give him a confused look. "nothing, never mind just lay down and take a nap, I know you haven't been sleeping much lately and I can take you home later or protect you from some random leech." I looked at his blushing face and watched as his eyes looked everywhere but at me.

"I'll try" I laid my head under his chin and knew that he was smiling. I smiled too when I felt his hands massaging my lower back making me relax and drift off into a much needed rest.

**Hey guys well lately I've been getting a lot of reviews and PMs to add another chapter. So here it is :D be sure to leave a review or PM me about this or any of my other stories or hell even my future ones thanks for reading! STAY DIVINE!**


	3. My meaning

**So here's Chapter 3 :) thank you for the encouraging reviews so far :D and you can also thank my sis (who demanded another chapter be uploaded) 33 you xD lol anyway here you go! Again for my version of Embry please check my profile under the twilight part :D**

**Disclaimer: i own nothing :(**

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><p>When I woke up I wasn't in Paul's arms any more, the only thing around me was a comforter that didn't belong to me along with the bed and pillow I was drooling all over. I flushed, and crept out of the bed to find out where I actually was. I poked my head out of the doorway and smelled bacon and pancakes from downstairs. I moved down the stairs and looked in the kitchen to see Paul moving around with a smile on his face making food. I blinked surprised, sat on a kitchen stool, and silently watched him as he bustled around the kitchen the smile intact even after he had almost chopped off a finger when he was cutting fruit. Once he had everything plated and ready he turned, about to make his way up to get me I assumed, before yelping and jumping back in surprise clutching his chest where his heart laid.<p>

"Scared the shit outta me, Jake" he said somewhat still breathless and I laughed.

"I could tell" I got up and went to go look over the food and see if he had made anything prior to my sneaking out to watch him cook. Paul stood behind me and was about to wrap his arms around my waist in a loving gesture before he had realized that we weren't a couple yet and I wasn't even sure that we would work out as such. When he retracted his arms without touching me, I inwardly sighed in relief that I wouldn't have to tell him to move his arms and risk the look on his face. I turned around to tell him that I was sorry but the same smile from earlier was plastered on his face and he shook his head, silencing my apology. He and I both grabbed the food and had set the different dishes on the table, once we were settled and we were deciding on what to eat I spoke up.

"I didn't know you could cook hell I don't even think I've been in your house before" he nodded.

"I tend to like my privacy so don't start telling people where I live," we shared a laugh "but yeah, I mean I live by myself gotta feed myself too duh" I stuck my tongue out oat his grinning face. I opened my mouth to say something but closed it and smiled back before taking a bite of a fluffy fruit filled pancake and gasped after I swallowed it. "Is it ok? Did I burn it? I can make you another one if you want," I stared at him then the plate and back at him wide eyed "you're kinda freaking me out Jake."

"Who taught you how to cook?" he furrowed his brows in confusion.

"I taught myself, again, why?"

"I think," I swallowed another bite of the heavenly pancake "you cook better than Emily" I looked up just in time to see him blush and look away and shifting in his seat. I got back to my food and had finished six more pancakes along with twenty strips of finely cook thin pieces of bacon and soft juicy sausages. I stopped eating when I noticed Paul just looking at me the blush still there; I tilted my head in a confused fashion until I actually remembered what I did whenever I had such delicious food as this. I swallowed down a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and turned back to Paul, a deeper blush on my face giving me a slight headache from the amount of blood cells. "I'm sorry," I said nervously. Paul cleared his throat and shook his head looking down at his half-eaten food.

"It-it's uhh fine, glad to know it's uh good and, yeah" he finished awkwardly. We sat in silence with me staring at my empty plate and Paul looking at me every so often before he slid his pancake on to my plate. I looked up at him in surprise because Paul never shared food, with anyone, and he just smiled back before taking his empty plate into the kitchen. I ate the given pancake, careful not to make any noise and took my plate silently into the kitchen to put it in the sink. When I walked in I saw Paul washing his dish and a few others somehow getting water spots on the front of his shirt and some suds in his black hair. He turned toward me and gave me a brief grin before continuing, I gave him my dish and watched him get even more water everywhere before I stepped in telling him to go change. By the time I was done, he had come back down the stairs he was dressed in black jean shorts with a form fitting green tee shirt.

"Hey, Paul," he looked up from the refrigerator door "my dad knows I'm here right?" hit bit his lip before nodding.

"I told him you needed to cool off and you said that you needed time away from home to do it" I slowly nodded and bit the inside of my cheek when id realized he was still staring.

"Do I have something on my face?" he shut the door still biting his lip he started walking closer "Paul?" he stopped in front of me his eyes were dark with some sort of turmoil.

"Is it bad that, even though I know you aren't completely into this or me, hell if the thought of us, that" I paused and released a breath "I want to kiss you?" I stood frozen at his question. My first thought, run, run and not talk to him for a long while but I couldn't do that to him I couldn't just hurt him like that. My second thought was to tell him that it made me uncomfortable and that I still was really sure he really liked me. However, if I did kiss him then it would tell him that I was willing to attempt to believe in what he wants us to have together, although I did tell him I would try, words were words and they meant nothing unless there was an action willing to back it up. Paul must have really taken into account what he'd said and immediately backed up regret written on his face "sorry, sorry I didn't" he stopped then turned around and left the house out the back door leaving me alone. I leaned against the countertop very much confused about my own thoughts of actually kissing him. The vibrating in my pocket broke me out of my thoughts and I took my cell phone from my pocket to see that Embry was calling me.

"What?" Embry scoffed

"That's it? No 'hey Embry' or a 'hey my greatest friend ever'" I snorted.

"Again, What?"

"Fine, whatever, anyway where are you? Jared is dragging all the guys out tonight" I eyed the door Paul had left through.

"Where?"

"Some club in port Angeles that caters to all" I looked at the phone in confusion before putting it back to my ear.

"Caters to all? What does that mean?" Embry laughed.

"It's an all orientation club Jake, you need to get out more," Embry continued laughing for a bit after.

"Oh, yeah sure I guess I'll go"

"Good, now where are you"

"Why"

"Cause' I came to your house to come get you but you weren't here" I looked at the window and saw the sun was still shining so I couldn't have been anywhere past 11.

"Nowhere, I'll meet you at Quil's" I said walking toward the back door.

"Fine Mr. Secrets I can take a hint, later" he hung up soon after. I closed the phone, walked out the back, and found Paul sitting on a tree stump facing the forest line. I approached him cautiously, for what reason I'm not sure, and took a seat next to him.

"Jared already called me and told me," I nodded and sat staring at the ground then I looked at his face.

"Are you okay?" Paul snorted.

"I should be asking you that Jake, it's a surprise you haven't run away from me yet" I didn't tell him that when he asked me that question I did in fact want to run.

"Paul I want to like you, maybe in the future I will, but now," Paul finally turned his head to face me and he placed his hand on top of mine.

"I'm not going to force you, and I think I know why you're afraid," he held up his other hand to silence me "it's because we don't really know much about each other right? Except what I told you and the basics?" I nodded "and you're wondering why I like you?" I nodded again "well, I'll tell you, I like you because you're emotional I can pick out everything you're feeling just from your eyes. It shows you care about anything enough to wear your heart on your sleeve when I can't. The Paul you see now, is the Paul I want to be, but in the real world this," he pointed at himself "isn't exactly accepted. The only way to get what you want is to take it and I can't do it with my emotions like you can. I like you because of how mature you've become in the past year and a half. Even though in the beginning you hated being a shifter but since then you've learned to embrace that part of you and are to possibly become the alpha when you're ready. It may sound like I just want into your pants but I don't, I want," he stopped and briefly looked away. He looked back at me with foreign emotions like compassion and respect flashed in his eyes "I want whatever you're willing to give whether it be a friend or a lover" I wanted to believe him but there was the one thing still holding me back that I knew he wouldn't be able to fight.

"What if you find you're imprint? Where would that leave me Paul? I don't," I looked away and tried to swallow the lump in my throat "if I started to love you then you left me for some else, I don't know if I could handle it" Paul's arms encircled my waist finally, he lifted me up and sat me in between his legs.

"you'll never have to worry about that" I was going to ask what he meant until his phone started to ring. "What do you want?" he answered gruffly. "I'm busy, no Jared, I said, whatever ill meet you there in 20 minutes bye" he sighed blowing my hair before laying his chin on my shoulder. His conversation reminded me that I was supposed to meet Embry and Quils's in a few minutes.

"I gotta go Paul" I felt his arms tighten a bit more but he released me a second later a frown on his face "I have to go meet Embry and Quil in a few" he nodded, grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward his truck.

"I'll drop you off" I got in the passenger's side and he closed my door before getting in on his own side.

"Are you sure? You don't have too." He smiled at me before starting the truck.

"Is all good Jake, oh damn hold on gotta lock up the house." He took his keys out the ignition and left to lock the door. I sat in the cab left to my thoughts until he came back minutes later. During the drive, Paul started asking basic questions about me like he'd done on the forest path asking things like my favorite food, color, car etc. When he pulled up in front of Quil's I saw Embry turning corner and immediately seeing me get out of Paul's car, eyes wide. Paul and I nodded at each other and Paul sent me a subtle wink before pulling from the curb and heading back the direction we had come.

"You were with Paul?" I snorted at Embry before walking into quil's house wishing the clock would turn to eight and that I could finally get out of La Push for a while.

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><p><strong> So what did you think? good? bad? off my rocker horrible? review and leave your say :D if you don't...then no chapter four! :D (p.s it takes place at a night club ;)) so i need up to about 10 or 11 reviews :D so tell your friends, relatives, enemies, strangers, that one creepy guy that lives down the street :D lol <strong>

** -Remember, keep to the Dark and stay Divine ;)-**


	4. Dancing Heat

**:D so...im not dead...umm ok so my class schedule is freaking killer (going to two different schools and all my classes are AP) and my posts are gonna be severely limited until either middle of this month or beginning of November :/ but i will TRY to get chapters out...they may not be as long at the moment but...(Author's note at the bottom as always)**

**Disclaimer: i own nothing**

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><p>The building smelled of sweat and sex. From the booth I sat in, I looked out on the crowd of people on the dance floor gyrating, fist pumping and other things while the bass of some song I didn't know pulsated against the walls making them vibrate. Mist started to pour from the DJ box at the front of the club and began spilling all over, hugging the floor, and I sipped my drink before setting it down and leaning more into the back of the booth spotting Jared and Embry talking at the bar and Quil dancing with some guy and a girl. Sam sat at the opposite end of the booth with his head lying on the table. I flicked the top of his head and he looked up.<p>

"Where's Paul?" I yelled across the table so he could hear me. Sam thought for a moment before pointing at the DJ box. I got up from my seat and hugged the walls so I wouldn't be sucked into the flurry of sweaty barely dressed crowd. When I made it to the box, I saw Paul jumping off the stage and into the sea of people, disappearing almost immediately. I rolled my eyes and groaned. Not even here for more than a few hours and I was ready to head home to my too small bed, in my too small bedroom, in a too small almost run-down red paint flaking house to maybe relax or wallow in whatever self-pity I still had over the wedding three weeks away. My eyes began surveying everyone in the club; my eyes staying on a few guys too long making me mentally slap myself. I wasn't like that so I didn't understand why it was happening, I tossed the subject aside for now and allowed myself to look. Tonight I wasn't going to think, I've been doing nothing but thinking and it's brought me to the point I'm at now, over analyzing everything. Finally, Paul burst from the crowed holding his ass and glaring at some person, who I assumed, smacked his ass. Quickly I walked toward him, grabbed his arm, and pulled him away before Paul could embarrass himself. When we got back to the booth Sam was gone and in his place were Embry and Jared obviously flirting with one another and looking a bit tipsy as well. I turned around and looked at Paul. "When are we leaving?"

"Are you not having fun?" he yelled back

"Not exactly"

"Have you danced?" I visibly swallowed a lump that appeared in my throat.

"No"

"Why not?" I looked around embarrassed.

"I don't know how" Paul's mouth hung open a bit before laughing at my flushed face. I hit his shirtless chest "I didn't need to know how." Paul grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the crowd somehow weaving his large frame in between girls in their short dresses and guys in nothing but their shorts. He stopped in a small opening in the middle of the floor and turned to me expectantly. "What."

"Show me whatcha got, Black"

"I just told you I didn't know how!" He turned me around, brought his unclothed chest to my clothed back, and put his hands on my hips. I had a short flashback of this morning but didn't feel as uncomfortable as I was then. The song switched to a song I recognized as Skrillex's Cinema. He started to move my hips slowly allowing me to get used to the rhythm, and I began to get comfortable with until the beat began picking up and we moved faster. Soon I was with the beat of the entire song dancing with Paul, my shirt becoming damp, and the song changed to Nightcore's Super Psycho Love. I turned around and the both of us began dancing a bit my intimately, with me occasionally grinding on Paul and Paul's hands landing on my ass every once and a while. Strobe light began flashing and now, I felt free, dancing with Paul with a few spectators watching us and not caring about boundaries or how I would feel in the morning about this. The song quickly ended and was replaced with Pendulum's Watercolour. The lights went out and this glow in the dark paint was shot into the crowd covering some in spots of pink, green, and red. Paul and I continued dancing ignoring everything around us, I turned around again and put my back to his front and he replaced his hands on my hips rocking the both of our hips, making my ass brush against his noticeable erection, which in turn was giving me an erection. All too soon, the lights began flashing again and our dancing began to slow down into a more sensual pace compared to everyone else giving us a whole new line of intimacy. During the course of our dance, the music began to fade away and I felt Paul's lips caress where my neck and shoulder met. Paul gently kissed where his lips grazed and I leaned into the kiss, he removed his lips, tilted my head backwards, and kissed my own lips at an odd angle. I ended the kiss moments later and stepped away, the music and the silhouettes of people began to return, reminding me of where I was. Paul stepped closer to me, his face contorted in both sadness and regret once again. I smiled and shook my head before grabbing his hand and pulling him back to the booth. We sat at the now empty booth, both flushed from the body heat and intensity of our dance and kiss.

"I'm sorry, I know you're still thinking about things and that wasn't fair to do to you," Paul yelled over the music.

"It's fine Paul, I" I took a much needed large breath "I liked it, a lot in fact." Paul grinned before taking my hand and kissing the knuckle. I rolled my eyes, a smile on my face, and took my hand back as Jared, Embry, Quil, and Sam came back letting us know it was around one o clock and asked if we were ready to hit the road. We were soon on our way home me, Embry and Paul in his truck and the other three in Sam's truck. I turned around in my seat and looked at Embry.

"you and Jared were pretty friendly tonight, eh?" he blushed and I grinned while Paul quietly snorted.

"So? Looks like you and Paul were practically fucking on the dance floor" he smirked and I glared. "look, I like Jared alright? He's a good dude and is pretty damn funny but id appreciate it if you two didn't go blab to the rest of the pack."

"Did anyone else see me and Paul?"

"No, just me, because I had gone to get you earlier when I saw Paul's hands on your hips" I huffed.

"Alright, so no one knows anything, right?" both Paul and I mumbled our agreements. We dropped Embry off at his house before Paul began to turn toward my house; I put my hand on his.

"I'll just crash at your place again" he gave me a small smile before heading to his place. He pulled up into his driveway and we entered the chilled house. Paul laced his hand with mine before pulling me up the stair and back into his bedroom. I felt a pang of freight when I thought he meant I wanted to have sex with him, when I had only wanted to stay the night to. 'to what?' I thought to myself 'what do people usually do after going out and doing things that we did' my chest began to clench in pain and I began to wonder if I had made a mistake. Paul tilted my head up and looked at me worriedly.

"Are you ok?"

"p-Paul I didn't, I think I gave you the wrong idea when I said I wanted to stay the night" he gave a small smile.

"I know what you meant Jake, I just came up here to grab a pillow and blanket so I could sleep on the couch" I closed my eyes, mentally scolding myself at my stupidity.

"I don't mind sharing a bed Paul, it's just," I paused "the thought of doing _IT_ with another guy still feels kind of weird to me" he laughed.

"I know Jake; I won't push you into those kinds of things until you tell me you want them." I nodded "bed?" I nodded again and we slinked into bed back to back.

"Goodnight Paul."

"Night Jake" I quickly succumb to my fatigue and fell asleep. When my eyes opened, I was out by first beach. Confused I walked down the sand way looking for something or someone but not knowing who or what. Further, down the beach I saw someone standing and looking at the water wearing a striped polo and some cargo shorts. I called out the person but they either couldn't hear me or was ignoring me. I tried to run up to the man but he had slowly began to disappear into thin air. When I had reached him he had already gone, along with the bright blue sky that had gone black and cloudy and the water turned from its crystal warm blue to an almost black color and vicious. The water began to retract from the beach I knew I giant wave was going to hit, I tried to run from the beach to find high ground and just as I had found it the wave hit taking everything under me with it back to sea before retracting again. I heard someone be hind me and saw it was a familiar figure, as I opened my mouth to question them they had pushed me from my makeshift safe haven and on to the soggy ground. Before I had time to process anything, the wave had come back and swept me off the ground and into the abyss. From all the twisting and turning the water was making me do I couldn't tell which way was up from down. I opened my eyes in an attempt to tell where the top was I saw that everything around me was pitch black. Objects began floating around me and I quickly realized, these were pictures, MY pictures. One frame held a picture of my mom, her flawless tanned skin with messed up long black hair; she smiled as she held me in her final moments of life and I noticed a crack that wasn't there before that ran clear across the face of my mother. More frames filled with memories began swirling around me with cracks across the people I no longer interacted with or people that had left. I shut my eyes and felt a hard surface beneath my feet. When I opened them again, everything was still pitch black with the exception of a plain white door in front of me. As I reached for the handle, I paused. 'Where will I end up?' I thought to myself 'what choice do I have?' I shook my head and threw open the door being surprised when I saw it led to some clearing. I walked through the door, feeling the texture of the wet grass against my bare feet, and took a look around and noticed bodies with blood everywhere, and the one body that stood out was Paul's. I ran over to him and laid his head on my lap, slapping his cheek lightly to try and wake him up, to no avail. He just laid there, his chocolate brown eyes not black as if the pupil had eaten the chocolate away until it was nothing. His body remained still and cold with his mouth open in shock. When I looked down his body to see where he had been bitten but couldn't help but notice the wedding band on his ring finger. I slowly reached for the ring, sliding it off his finger to see the golden band engraved with 'from you loving husband Jacob' and I dropped the ring in surprise. I looked at the other bodies and noticed that I knew one or two more bodies that brought a pang of hurt to my chest. Alice Cullen, the pixie of the Cullen clan that actually cared about my well-being after bella continuously hurt me by either texting me or calling me and Emmett Cullen, one of the only vampire friends I would ever have. If it weren't for Bella, I wouldn't have met them and out of all the Cullen's I can only stand those two. When I turned and looked toward the center of the clearing, the man from the beach was standing there a smug look on his face. The bodies around me began to rise, including Paul's, and were trying to bite me. I threw off the unfamiliar ones but couldn't bring myself to hurt the other three. The bodies stopped and I felt something hit me in the back of my head.

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><p><strong>ok sooo i know i said my stories are going to be limited but if you want them out FASTER i need REVIEWS or even a PM is nice...they really help with the writing process and all that jazz so yes :) umm...oh! in future news (either next week or the week after) me and my sis Nny's-lil-apprentice (check out her stories) are collaborating on a story that involves the Hunger Games for those Panam fans out there (me) :) so look forward to that...Moonlight is under construction meaning that the last chapter was really bad in my opinion and the next chapter needs to be alot better...but like i said...REVIEW so i know what YOU want fixed alright? same with this story :)...so for now i guess thats it :D (long author's note is long but i like to keep readers informed)<strong>

**AS ALWAYS!**

-**always keep to the dark, and remember to stay divine ;)-**

**(realizes this signature has changed a lot ._.)  
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	5. My Nightmare, Your Promise

**Hey ya'll :D see an update! Although its short, its an update. I should be able to upload a new LONGER chapter sometime this week if thanksgiving shopping doesnt take over my schedule _. Any feedback is appreciated :D (More Author notes at the bottom)**

**Enjoy!  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own squat .3.  
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><p>I shot up in bed with a loud gasp and looked around to make sure I wasn't in danger. I heard loud footfalls hastily make their way up the stairs and toward me. In my panicked stupor, I jumped from the bed and tried to escape out the window, forgetting I was at Paul's house. The door banged open and when I couldn't open the window fast enough I cowered in the corner, my vision began to change, making the room look like the dark clearing in my dreams before changing back.<p>

"Jacob!" Paul ran toward me, face morphed in extreme worry. When he got close, his face changed into the dead grey corpse of my nightmare. I screamed and began hitting him, trying to keep him away from me. I felt his hands grab my wrists, stopping me from assaulting him, and I sobbed, wishing he'd leave me alone. I closed my eyes and waited for him to bite and kill me like he did in my dream but when I didn't feel any pain I slowly opened my eyes and, through blurry vision, saw I was back in the room with normal Paul with his hands around my wrists. My crying died down and once Paul realized I wasn't going to try to hit him anymore, let my wrists go, sat down and pulled me to him. I listened to his heartbeat and knew I was awake. I started crying again, in relief, and Paul rocked me back and forth, not making a sound. He rocked me until I, once again, stopped crying and pulled my face up to mine to meet his worried and scared brown eyes. "What happened Jacob?"

"Noth-" Paul cut me off.

"That was not fucking nothing Jacob, you screamed Jake," he paused and took a shaky breath "you looked so damn terrified and you-" he stopped "what happened Jacob, and please, don't tell me it was nothing" I stared at him and nodded before wiping my face with my arm. Grabbing his hand, we got up and we sat back on the bed, him looking at me desperate for answers and me looking down at the carpet. I explained to him about the dream, being at first beach, the tidal wave, the pictures. When I got to the part of the clearing, Paul took my hands in his making me feel a small bit more comfortable. I struggled with the lump in my throat but told him about what he, Emmett and Alice tried to do to me, but I left out the wedding band feeling he didn't need to know that just yet.

"I was screaming earlier because the room, my vision kept changing everything back into the dream and I just, I couldn't," Paul just grabbed me again and pulled me back to his chest. I moved and sat on his lap and put our foreheads together, not caring about how intimate the position looked.

"I wouldn't, I wouldn't ever, **won't** ever hurt you Jacob, never, not even in death" I opened my eyes and we stared into one another's eyes, his resolve and love more pronounced "I like, no, I **love** you too damn much to do that Jacob." Paul had wrapped his arms around my waist "I've been working too damn hard to get you to love me and I'm not just going to hurt you in the end, you are my life Jacob, the only one I will ever love, the only one I want to marry and the only one I want by my side watching our children grow." My heart ached when I thought about it, a life with Paul. Being married and having kids like he says. My heart aches not because I'm afraid or disgusted, it's because I want that, so damn bad, more than I think I'm willing to admit. I stare back into Paul's eyes and decide, maybe being with Paul, I can experience true happiness. In the back of my head I hear a voice telling me I'll just end up alone once again even more broken hearted than the last time, but I think I'm willing to bet my mental, emotional and physical stability that I could actually be loved. My face unconsciously lowered to his and by the time I realized, I was already kissing him. His lips gave my body a shock that went through my entire body making me shiver in pleasure and when he started moving his lips against mine, I'd forgotten all about the nightmare. Paul scooted me closer on his lap and kissed me deeper making me moan quietly. Paul pushed his tongue into my mouth and began playing with my own making me begin to harden beneath the pants I had worn the night before. The kiss at the club paled in caparison to this one, that kiss was too rushed and didn't tell me anything about if this thing between Paul and I would work. With this kiss, and by how tight Paul held me, I knew that being with him would be a good decision. Paul got up and put me on my back on the bed, breaking the kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he hovered over me with a serious look on his face.

"What's wrong Paul?"

"I, Jacob do you want this? I-I mean it's alright if you don't, I mean we can," I interrupted him this time with a smile.

"Paul?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up" I pulled him back down and we started making out again. His lips lightly caressing mine, enticing small moans out of me when I felt him slip one of his hands up my shirt and begin playing with my nipple. He put his other hand up my shirt and began lifting it, leaving me no choice but to take of the cloth barrier. I did the same with his shirt and ran my hands down his chiseled body, running my fingers in between each of his abs, as he kissed me again.

"Jake," I ignored him and kissed him harder, working my hands from his shoulders down agonizingly slow to the top of his jeans. "Jake, we gotta stop," I ignored him again, sliding my hands over top his jeans to his crotch, both eager and nervous to touch him. "Jake, Jacob" he broke away when I captured his lips again and grabbed my hands bringing them up to his mouth and kissing each knuckle. "Love, we have to slow down, that will come in time but for now it's just getting you used to being with another man." I blushed and nodded before looking away, now unbearably hard and breathless. Paul moved from a top of me and moved to lie on his side facing me.

"Paul, what time is it?"

"About 8 in the morning"

"I'm tired" Paul went silent before pulling the covers over us, wrapping his arms around my waist, and dragging me close to him.

"I'll protect you" I froze in my spot when he'd said that. I was so used to doing the protecting; being everything that Paul is being now. Being treated like this, after years of protecting and soothing others, it felt nice to be the one to be soothed and protected. I turned around and snuggled under Paul's chin.

"Thank you" I whispered before drifting off to sleep.

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><p><strong>So how was it? good? bad? leave a review or a message and let me know what you think :) In other news, i have a on the side collab story with my best friend called Gathering for the End. Its a hunger games meets deadman wonderland crossover and id really appreciate it if you passed on the word about it :) Reviews = longer chapters so start reviewing! Moonlight might be discontinued seeing as im hardly working on this as it is but give it a look-see and tell me your thoughts :D. I'd apreciate it very much so. <strong>

**Thanks for reading! and see you next time!  
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**and as always  
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****-Remember, keep to the Dark and stay Divine ;)-****


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